What am I afraid of?

I meant go to out dancing last night to distract myself. I didn't go.
I meant to at least have exited this apartment by this time of day already. I haven't done that either. On one hand I want the company of people so badly but on the other hand I can't bring myself out of this lazy antisocial haze. One part of it is that I am exhausted from my first week of orientation and it has taken a lot out of me to be on a 9 to 5 schedule like the rest of the world. Another part is that I am afraid. I am afraid of rejection, and I am afraid of things that I perceive to be rejection even though they may not be. I have a deep desire to make close friends again. I wish it were possible to bypass all the meaningless frivolity that goes hand in hand with meeting people and just make some friends. But that's not possible, especially in a city like NYC, where acquaintances are a dime a dozen and people actually prefer it that way. It is profoundly depressing to be in a city with so many people and still be so alone. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, but it makes me just that much sadder after this breakup.