Cooking and men

I will start off by explaining the cooking part- last night I made the most wonderful, flavorful dal ever, and paired it with basmati rice. I had it for dinner last night, breakfast this morning, and again for dinner tonight. I will be sure to replicate that recipe whenever I make dal from here on out. I also need to share the fact that I came across the most curious recipe for brownies on the internet the other day, which called for only two ingredients- a large can of black beans and a box of brownie mix. I got curious enough to try it and I actually went through with making them today. I should have mashed up the beans a little more, because the end product was quite lumpy and beany. But the flavor in itself is actually not too bad! I am impressed. If I ever get a hankering for brownies in the future bad enough for me to want to make my own, these are the ones that I will make.
All right. On to the next topic at hand. I had lunch with a very dear friend of mine today. We were roommates on campus during our first year of college. One subject that is bound to come up whenever any number of girls get together, whether it be two or twenty, is the subject of men. During the course of our conversation, something occurred to me. I realized I was not alone in some of the things I had experienced when it came to men. What I am about to describe is probably something that happens to women worldwide, and it has probably happened to women since the beginning of time. How shall I describe this? Okay, here is an example.
Tom meets Jane. It really doesn't matter how; let's say they met through a mutual friend. Okay. So Tom and Jane's friendship is getting closer over time, and Tom mistakes Jane's kindness and friendliness for something more. Tom, under the false impression that Jane is interested in him as more than a friend, starts to drop many hints and signals to Jane that he is interested in her. A hot pursuit ensues, during which Jane is forced to reevaluate the situation time and again, asking herself if she is ready/willing to be more than friends with Tom, not knowing that he thought she had been interested in him for a while now. Jane gives in, weighs his positives against his negatives, decides to take the risk of liking Tom as more than a friend. So now the two of them enter something else; something beyond friendship, stopping just short of a committed relationship. This may include anything that the two of them consider appropriate between each other, such as physical closeness, emotional closeness, the introduction of each to the other's social circles, etc. Then, a little while down the road, maybe a few weeks or so, Tom decides he really doesn't want to be with Jane like that anymore and calls the whole thing (whatever it is between them) off, asking to just be friends again. Or, instead of being so polite about it, he may simply start distancing himself from her emotionally or physically, for example, by calling her far less frequently than he used to. If Jane is unlucky enough for the latter to be the case, she will start wondering if she had fucked up somewhere along the way, and might cause herself extreme heartache by wondering day and night why her dear Tom was ignoring her.
My question here is this:
WHY DO MEN DO THIS? Why do they insist on pursuing women just until they catch them, and then leave them alone in the dust, walking away like they were never interested in the first place? Why do they charm, woo, and pursue a woman until she starts showing the slightest bit of interest, then stop suddenly, causing her mental anguish and heartbreak?
I was just in a situation like this. Here's my story, in vague terms.
I had one friend who ended up mistaking my kind nature and willingness to help with him various things as a sign that I was interested in him (I did not realize that was the case at the time). It's worth mentioning, I guess, that he was completely inexperienced in every way when it came to females. He told me he didn't even know how to talk to girls as friends, because he had never had female friends before. He slowly began to bring himself closer to me, and soon it was not uncommon for us to be holding hands in public and cuddling on the train, even though we had not put whatever it was between us into solid terms. It was just like, I guess I could say, a comfortable friendship. Then, one day, he wrote on a little brown napkin that he loved me. I was shocked and surprised, but I knew I was warming up to him too. At this point, that phenomenon had occurred where someone you may not be attracted to initially, eventually becomes attractive. I thought about it, and even though I was not ready to say it back just yet, I made clear sacrifices just to be able to spend time with him. And then, after everything, he told me he just wants to be friends. The first thing that came into my head was all the times he said he loved me, he cared about me, he worried about me, I was like an angel to him, I was a gift to him from God, meeting me was the best thing to have happened to him... blah blah blah. It didn't matter now.
It took me a while to really get over it. But it's worth mentioning that that was the first time I ever had to break up with someone without even being in a relationship with them. Surreal shit, man. It's crazy. And I have wanted to tell him since then, that he should never tell a woman any of the crap he told me, unless he was sure that a committed relationship would come from it. We still talk. But I don't come close to making any of the big sacrifices I used to. I am sort of glad I had that experience, because it made me realize more about what kind of person I do want in my life, when the time comes for me to find someone to be with for the long haul.
But I still don't get the whole hot-pursuit-followed-by-capture-then-quick-disposal thing. Why do guys do that??? My dear friend and I agree that it totally sucks and that mixed messages should be punishable by a sharp backhand across the face.