Lull.

There is a certain FH mentioned in a previous post- one who seemed to be a good match for me except for our difference in religion. Well, he has been taking up far too much space in my mind, far too many resources that I know I will never get back, and far too much time in my life.
We have been hot and heavy for a while now- I first met him in November. And now my softer feelings have grown on him like a curious yet terrified ivy on a tall, coy, deliciously handsome brownstone.  I know for a fact that there is more to him than he has shared with me. I won't say how I know, but I definitely know. He claims to be an open book but I know he keeps his real self under layers and layers of mystery. I continue to be naive and believe that being straightforward and honest myself is going to encourage him to be that way with me too. I know how stupid that is. But I really, really badly wish it were that way. I wish so many things right now. First and foremost, I wish I didn't feel so goddamn lonely. Friends assure and reassure me that many people feel this way, not only me. And logically I know that's true. But it doesn't help a single thing. I feel no comfort in knowing that other people feel as I do. I want love and a happy relationship so badly and I am angry when I think about the fact that there are so many bad people who have good people loving them who are just waiting to get their hearts broken.
I need to detach from FH and I don't know what it will take for me to do it.