Today I found out I have pretty much been cheated on.
I am not the type of person who goes snooping into others' emails and stuff. I just dont do that. I like to think I have trust in other people. But I trusted someone I shouldn't have and I am now repenting for it. I don't know why I didn't listen to everyone sooner. I feel like a battered wife crawling back for more abuse. I found all these emails to prostitutes in his email and I feel so disgusted that I even know someone who does these things. I have never been so betrayed before or so hurt. I don't know what I did to deserve this or why this is happening to me. I know that only I have the power to make this stop. Polly told me that people can only make me feel inferior if I let them. He insisted he hadn't slept with any of them. He said I was crazy for thinking so, even though in each reply his goddamn fucking telephone number is there. Why am I made to feel crazy when feeling persecuted? Why am I scrambling to make myself feel adequate enough for his love? Shouldn't this not be happening? Aren't I deserving of love and a healthy relationship? Why did I ever have to beg for him to write emails and messages to me? He sends lenghty messages to those he hopes to meet and fuck from the internet.
Behold the betrayal:
hello
from: manish garg
to: Reena rai lets have fun
sent: November 15, 2008 3:57 PM
we met at kemia at 42 st ny yesterday
you were with 3 more friends
it was ur birthday yest
u guys were great
i loved it
my contact no is 606 233 3845
do give me a call
add me on messenger---manish_dr2006@yahoo.com
call me 606 233 3845
from: manish garg
to: mallu aunty some one fuck me
sent: December 6, 2008 2:23 AM
hey
i m in manhattan
call me
will meet asap
manish garg
to: teena for sex
sent: August 23, 2008 7:48 AM
hi \
call me at 606 233 3845
heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-- call me at 606 233 3845
from: manish garg
to: Adreana Shaw
sent: December 31, 2008 5:15 PM
call asap so that we can meet
Feb 19 (2 days ago)
Reply
i liked your picture
my new cell phone is 6463619381
call me as soon as possible or give me ur cell phone no
manish
I want to shoot myself. How can I be so stupid??? We talked today, I cried profusely and he felt bad enough for me that he gave me hugs. I don't think he understands the magnitude to which he has hurt me. I don't think he cares, and that hurts even more. I am to return to NYC in 2 wks, and when I return I think he will want to see me. Why don't I have the strength to tell him to get the fuck out of my life and stop hurting me? Why am I so powerless under him ... he is holding my heart in his hand and he has already thrown it down and stepped on it a number of times. He insisted he wrote the above in an effort to try and make friends. I have to try and believe that he was not actively looking for sex. I can't believe this has happened to me. I have never ever been betrayed this way before. I can't stop crying and I have nobody to hold me now except the perpetrator. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't stop crying.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Seema,
I just read your comment on my blog - thanks for reading it and writing. I just read your entry - wow, I am so sorry!! Listen I've been in situations that only once was I strong enough to walk away did I realize how much more I deserved. The walking away part if hard to do, especially when you've been with someone for so long, someone you put all your faith into. Remember that you DO deserve better. As silly as this might sound, I really think you need to pick up the book "He's Just Not That Into You" - because as hard as this is to hear, if he was, he never would have sent messages like that to these other women knowing how much it would hurt you. Please walk away. Hold your head up high and do it with confidence. This guy is a jerk!!!
Post a Comment