What the hell?

I can honestly say I don't know what I am doing.
I am totally in love with him. I threw all of myself into making him happy and I continue to do so despite our conversation yesterday. Our conversation yesterday was all about us and whether it is possible for us to be together for the long haul. He admitted his feelings for me and said he would like to be with me that way but he is not sure about his family. Here are the differences in black and white. I am not Punjabi and so my last name is not what his family would have wanted him to marry. That's it. That's the only problem I am aware of right now that would be a problem for his family. He says one one hand that his family is insensitive, and then says that whoever he ends up marrying will have to be a 50/50 decision between him and his family. He says his whole family follows tradition and marries within their group, and so he is destined for the same fate. What the hell? I am sitting here crying my eyes out of love for him. I told him I would kill myself to make him happy. And I mean that. I almost gave up my dream of PeaceCorps for him. Yesterday he said that my relationship with him and PeaceCorps should be two different things in my mind because one is not related to the other. I had not considered that. I had only considered that not being by his side always would be detrimental to us being together for the long haul. He told me yesterday that that was not necessarily true. Basically I could spend every day and night with him for years, loving him and making every sacrifice just to spend another minute with him, and in the end he would end up marrying someone else just because I am not of the same group he is. While I would happily go along with whatever his family says, just to be with him... I step back sometimes and I get angry at myself. I am angry at myself and my circumstances because I don't think anyone...anyone... would ever fight this hard to be with me. He said he would not go against his family. And in my head I am pleading, "not even to be with me?" I ask myself why I am doing these things... why I am making all these sacrifices... and it's because I am terrified that I will never find someone willing to take the time and effort he has taken to understand me, be honest with me, and not judge me. He is silly and playful, strong and intelligent. I have never met anyone like him. I don't want to lose him and be forced to search in vain for another fish in the dark, scary sea. I am so exhausted. I am going to join PeaceCorps for sure. I think it will help me prepare for a life without him. I know it will change me. He is horrible at keeping in touch and I don't know if it is due to laziness or lack of motivation. Naturally, I take it personally and ask myself if I am so insignificant that it is easy for him to forget me and forget to stay in touch with me. I have no fucking clue what is going on but all of this is definitely taking a toll on my emotions and my self esteem. I have never had more time on my hands and yet I have never been so completely drained. When I went to India for my cousin's marriage, my uncle told me he knows how much I have suffered due to my dysfunctional home life, and he said it should be my number one priority to find a person and start my own family so I can get back some of the love I didn't receive growing up. I want exactly the same thing. I am afraid, however, that I will always be lonely no matter what. I am afraid that I will let people in like I let this man in, and I will love without restraint and throw 100% of myself into something with someone... and in the end, heartbreak will be standing by my door, asking me if I ever really thought I'd get away with it. I don't want to be old and alone. I want to have a stable relationship with my future husband before we have children because I do not want the added stress of children to lead to a divorce.
Sometimes I just kick all of this away and declare that it would be best for me to stay single my whole life and raise a child alone, as a single parent, to avoid heartbreak. I imagine myself giving 100% of myself and my love to my child. But I really don't want that. I don't understand why I feel so fucking victimized by love and all its hurts. But that's how I feel. How can I break away from this mentality of a victim and just take charge of my life? How can I become stronger?
It is often said that what doesn't kill a person makes them stronger. The problem is, I don't yet know that all of this is not killing me...