Night shift and other stuff

So... I went to NYC this past weekend and also last weekend and had many discussions with him, and now it's like I am 85% over and done with him, 15% still searching for some last threads of his humanity to grab on to. I found out the day before yesterday that he in fact obtained a residency position, probably in Harlem Hospital where he volunteers. I had mixed feelings about that. As nasty as it sounds, the whole time I congratulated him through gritted teeth I was kind of upset, because I had been hoping he wouldn't get it so he would have to go back to India and I could work on "reowning" Harlem and other parts of NYC that are painted over with memories of him. Oh well. I shouldn't be so vengeful anyway, I don't deserve that darkness in my heart.
I worked my first night shift yesterday from 11pm-7am this morning. I then slept from 9am-3pm. Not nearly enough sleep, considering I will be working the same hours tonight into tomorrow morning. My coworkers are dear, they are all very sweet and seem open to helping me learn the ropes as a new nurse, probably because 90% of them have only started working on the unit a few months ago, themselves.
I told Paul I am looking for a new place to live and he has been giving me the cold shoulder since. It's really nothing personal towards him, I just want to live in a more alive neighborhood and he can't seem to understand that. Most importantly, I want to feel safe going to my night shifts. He just doesn't seem to get it, probably because he is not a single female who has to walk to her night shifts at work. I already showed my room to a girl named Jan, 20 years old, has 2 jobs and goes to school, seems nice. She wants to move in today because she has been living with her friends after being kicked off school housing for staying during a school break during which she had nowhere else to go. I wouldnt mind if she wanted to move in today, because I have the money to pay a deposit to move somewhere else (I have already found 2 other affordable places I can live alone for cheap). However, I tried to contact Paul about it and he hasn't picked up his phone. I dont know what to do. A part of me wants to be like, "here Jan, you take my room" and just up and leave to a new apartment. But I think that's kind of mean even though I shouldn't because Paul hasn't bothered to have a decent conversation with me about this since I brought it up to him and he got angry about it. (Update! Paul called back and he said he would be open to meeting her before she spends the night. This ball just might roll into my court!) I am so fucking tired of roommate drama. I feel like I am in the middle of a bitter divorce. I should have went with my first feeling and just straight away started renting a studio when I first got to Albany, instead of this bullshit room.
I have become very enthusiastic about the idea of becoming a Nurse Practitioner. I guess Manish's recent acceptance of a residency position has made me feel competitive. I was also daydreaming of becoming a physician or a physician's assistant. However, right now becoming a Nurse Practitioner would be easiest for me because I am already an RN. I will be applying in September to take part in Stony Brook University's Adult Nurse Practitioner Distance Learning program. The part-time program will take me 3 years to complete. I also want to "jump around" different units, including emergency room and operating room. I want to get a taste of everything, not only in nursing but also in life. I want to live happily and experience everything I can while I can. I want to do it before I settle down and get married and have children. But then I start thinking, well that doesn't really allow me a lot of time, since I turn 25 this year.
I feel less of an urge to postpone love and marriage and children because I don't want to be 40 and pregnant. I have been trying to make friends online. I have met a few in Albany, and one special one in NYC. I am only looking for friends now because my heart is freshly broken and it needs time to heal. My main objective however is to distract myself from sitting at home and crying my eyes out all the time. I saw a psychotherapist for the first time in ages, yesterday evening. I am happy that I am taking steps to make myself whole again. I don't know what I am doing In my life but I think I am heading in the right general direction and that in itself makes me happy.