Let this moment be a reminder to you
That NO ONE CAN BE TRUSTED
NOT A ONE
Not one who you give your heart to
Because half the time they don’t know they hold it
They consider you crazy for being emotional, feeling, yielding, accommodating, loving
I am not anyone i shouldn’t be
No one else should hold the key to you
They shouldn’t have the power to make you whole or unwhole
My only focus now is me me me me me me
I need to take care of myself for me
I have to put me first
I cannot allow myself to be with someone who doesn’t understand me
My emotional, mental, psychological wants
My desires
I cannot extend myself to someone who makes me feel like hurting myself
I cannot give myself to someone who assumes the very worst of me. Because i dont deserve that
I will be okay
Because i have no choice
I have no choice
But to be okay
Life has never shown me another way than this
I invite what i believe i deserve
It is time to change my self narrative
I can change my life
I can treat me better than anyone else
I can give myself to myself and be my best and my most whole
I deserve to hear
I love you
Im proud of you
I respect your decisions
I am settling if I stay with you
So i will not do it
I will not remain weak
I dont deserve to have to beg for forgiveness for a crime i did not commit
Maybe you doing you will force me to do me
It’s been like this from the start where i cared for you more than you cared for me
FUCK YOUR FRAGILE MALE EGO
fuck your pride
Fuck your indignant attitude
Fuck your dependency because that’s what it is
Fuck your lack of emotion
Fuck you
Fuck you
Fuck you
I want to cut myself hard and deep
I want to watch my blood pour and feel nothing
I want to destroy myself smiling
Burning inside and feel the hot lava liquid pour out of the volcano of my body
I hate myself and i want to die
I dont deserve to live
I dont deserve love
I dont deserve good health
I dont deserve happiness
I dont deserve sanity
I will always be crazy
Life was set up for me this way
Life was set up for me to fail
I would be at fault if i didnt fulfill my past’s wish for me
people who purport to love me want to see me suffer
How cruel would i be if i did not honor their request
After all, they love me, right?
I would be a criminal to be happy... and to make them unhappy with my happiness even for one single solitary second
I deserve darkness, a hateful heart
I deserve pain
Nothing good will happen to me in this life because life has shown me that i dont deserve it
I deserve pain, betrayal, manipulation, heartache, misery
I am a
I deserve to devote myself entirely to other hurt and broken people
I dont deserve healthy relationships
I deserve relationships that make me dream
Of hurting myself in unspeakable ways
Time is all we have and it is proven to me time and again that i am not worth spending time with
I am a waste of time
I am a waste of others’ time
I am a waste of matter
Water
Food
Air
I am worthless
I am worth nothing
I am a mistake
I was never supposed to happen
This was never supposed to happen
My life was never supposed to happen
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